Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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