We're facebook friends in real life
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
