I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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