What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
