But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This is not my ceiling
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
