You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
