I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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