i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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