WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
