sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
