So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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