The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love having hate sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
