the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wear drunk well.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
