you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i came on her dog
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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