Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
