Can i not drive my cunt home
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
