I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
