he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
