I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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