At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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