my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
