I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
