So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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