I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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