he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
