if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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