Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
