Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
