So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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