I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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