i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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