so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
