Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
