Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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