oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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