are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
