I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
