did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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