One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
