So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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