How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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