I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
