I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize