so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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