I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
