I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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