I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
