Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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