Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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