New invention idea: vibrating tampons
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
