i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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