why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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