i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
