Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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