Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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