It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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