I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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