I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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