ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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