She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
