did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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