Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
