Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My cat gives me a boner
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize