mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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