2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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