Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you never un-have a 4some
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
