Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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