So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
