"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We had to coat check the pizza.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
