GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
