just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
