i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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