May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
