tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
