I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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