So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
